Friday, December 10, 2010
I don't want to hate myself
I don't want to make myself not eat
I don't want to control everything
But I'm a disgusting person
I want to be thin
I neeeed control
I am a boat of lard and getting, there has to be some way to stop
I want this disease and I don't
It kills me and sometimes its the only thing I live for.
I wish I could love myself but how could I.
Thats how I feel about anorexia today because I went out for lunch with my boyfriend and ate I actually ordered something that looked good, I haven't eaten since the last slice of pizza before my post yesterday, I ate and felt like shit with guilt and discust. Then my body involintarily threw it up on to the snow. FAIL
I'm ment for this disease and I hate sometimes
Anorexia is a monster but I feel like one.