Friday, December 10, 2010


I don't want to hate myself
I don't want to make myself not eat
I don't want to control everything
But I'm a disgusting  person
I want to be thin
I neeeed control
I am a boat of lard and getting, there has to be some way to stop
I want this disease and I don't
It kills me and sometimes its the only thing I live for.
I wish I could love myself but how could I.
Thats how I feel about anorexia today because I went out for lunch with my boyfriend and ate I actually ordered something that looked good, I haven't eaten since the last slice of pizza before my post yesterday, I ate and felt like shit with guilt and discust. Then my body involintarily threw it up on to the snow. FAIL
I'm ment for this disease and I hate sometimes
Anorexia is a monster but I feel like one.


  1. What did you order?
    And i know what you mean. Those moments when you do things like order what you want, where you feel almost good. Then it comes crumbling down and your lift confused and hurt.

    Stay strong hunnie, it will get better

  2. I ordered a nacho salad without the meat :)

    Thanks baby girl <3