Screaming while invisible

Today I was forgotten. My English and Science teacher didn't even realize I was in class.
Another note, my cutting, I've been doing it so long and before that hurting myself in other ways its the only ways I grew up knowing how to manage my emotions. I have the worst self esteem but sometimes I wish there was another way for me to manage my emotions instead of feeling so out of control all the time and then cutting. My boyfriend knows I cut and he doesn't like that I do it but he doesn't seem to get that I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for help, sometimes I wish he would tell someone like his mom, sometimes I walk down the halls at school wishing someone would notice and care even though I cover them up. Sometimes I just want it to be all over but then I think its been going on for so long why bother won't I feel weird if I ever stop. The same thing goes for my eating disorder but thats more of a battle but sometimes I hold cutting alot closer, its who I am and what I was raised on.