Saturday, November 20, 2010

I'm already dead inside

As a child I was beat hard, emotionally abused and lived with my drunken mother while my over protective crazed father tried to brain-wash me.
I suffer from self injury, anorexia and depression since the age of 10 and even before
I'm nictorious for fucking everything up when I let people in
I hate myself so much it usually just drives everyone away
I'm done I don't see the point in living if there is nothing to live for, I've tried screaming out for help I've searched for people to care and there aren't any.


  1. You've suffered so much in your life that I'm sure its hard to believe there are better things ahead but there is. You aren't worthless no one is worthless if they make themselves worthwhile.

  2. Sometimes in situations like this, you got to think about others. Think about what you can do to either help others deal with similar situations, or how to help prevent them. You could become a social worker, or a therapist :)

    Please keep living. You seem like such a lovely lady and it sucks mega balls that you do not see this.

    Stay strong girlie.

  3. I can relate to you sooooo much. I was beaten and brain washed as a child. My stepdad would beat the hell out of me and my sister and brother if we just looked at him "the wrong way". We would spend days in a hot room in the dead of summer for days on end and if we came out to get some water, or to use the bathroom he would beat us. He was a coke addict and constantly would have his buddies over. I do not trust anyone, I can not let anyone in. Every time I do, I'm usually the one that gives a mental door slam in their face. I live a very lonely existence even though I have a boyfriend. No one truly knows the hurt and betrayal that I have gone through in my life. Everyday is a struggle, I have flashbacks of my stepfather just screaming at me and hurting me.

    I just want to say that through all of this, I know I'm stronger than that; so are you. It takes time to learn this, I know I still am. If you decide to die, then you give up that fight and you let those that hurt you win. Choose life. There's a sentence in a song that I absolutely love, and it holds a lot of truth, "Life isn't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride". You're going to make it, love.

  4. There is always something to live for. Think of the future maybe? I know life seems to suck, and you don't know what to do about it. I've been there, I'm still trying to get through that. I can say that the most helpful thing I have done, was to get around positive people. At first it might piss you off, but soon you will see that they do have a point, and that things can get better. It just takes longer than we would like typically. <3