AWFUL, DISCUSTING, FAT!

I feel awful. I hate myself. I eat ... I had freaking pizza and popers and oatmeal today and coke! I've GAINED weight I'm not 223.5lbs and I don't know if it has anything to do with my period. My first goal is to just lose 10 pounds. God just with the stress of school and my family life still sucking majorly like always I'm just exaughsted and I need to get on track, control SOMETHING. I started writing my weight on my hand so if I pick up food I see it and get a reminder that I'm a heavyy discusting person. Aslo I went to a university presentation ...jezze.
Life is just blah. At least I have my boyfriend, but he makes me eat, I love him with all my heart but can't he see that I need to stop eating like the fat fuck I am?
I really don't want to self injure again, I've worked so hard to decrease that habbit but I can just feel it coming on.
I'm considering an other piercing but I don't know what, I have 6 ear piercings my belly button and my tounge.
FML today was an FML.
We had this presentation at school were this band came and talked to us about life and not hiding our talents and reaching out and so on. They were great and they did some preforming. They talked about troubled kids and problems and I'm like great I'm one of those kids, felt like crying the whole way through, but I don't show people my pain, I can't

 

I want her legs....