Happy Halloween?

Happy Halloween
I handed out candy.
I got informed my mom can afford printer ink but she can afford alchohol and smokes and what she wants but i can't get things i need for school. She would be having problems at work if she layed off the drink. I'm trying to find a job buts its hard.
I can't stand things any longer. I want to be out of this place.
University is starting to scare me because I don't know if I'm good enough!
God I hate life.
I'm not going to school tomorrow, I have projects and things to study for that I need to do.
By the way I lost 4 pounds and obviously I'm still a fat worthless person.
Dear life I hate you
Dear mother stop drinking and beating

Dear everyone I'm sorry I cause so much problems.

Gaining...

I gained weight, I'm at the highest I've ever been 123.5 lbs (im 5'7'') I feel discusting. I need to get in shape, I need to lose. I hate myself, I will keep hurting myself till I get the message, I want to die, everything feels like its falling apart. I just annoy everyone around me. I'm not good for anyone.

homework

I skipped my last two classes at school today. I fell asleep till 7pm today. I have to read a 300 page book, write two essays, a dramatic monolouge, science notes and homework, plus projects for sociology. I feel so hazy and I know its going to be a late night working. I need to get a job as well so at least I'm a night hawk.
Blah.
On a higher note, I got my PT unity braclette in the mail today! Every time i see it on my wrist I'll be reminded of my goal.

I stayed under 800 cals today..

AWFUL, DISCUSTING, FAT!

I feel awful. I hate myself. I eat ... I had freaking pizza and popers and oatmeal today and coke! I've GAINED weight I'm not 223.5lbs and I don't know if it has anything to do with my period. My first goal is to just lose 10 pounds. God just with the stress of school and my family life still sucking majorly like always I'm just exaughsted and I need to get on track, control SOMETHING. I started writing my weight on my hand so if I pick up food I see it and get a reminder that I'm a heavyy discusting person. Aslo I went to a university presentation ...jezze.
Life is just blah. At least I have my boyfriend, but he makes me eat, I love him with all my heart but can't he see that I need to stop eating like the fat fuck I am?
I really don't want to self injure again, I've worked so hard to decrease that habbit but I can just feel it coming on.
I'm considering an other piercing but I don't know what, I have 6 ear piercings my belly button and my tounge.
FML today was an FML.
We had this presentation at school were this band came and talked to us about life and not hiding our talents and reaching out and so on. They were great and they did some preforming. They talked about troubled kids and problems and I'm like great I'm one of those kids, felt like crying the whole way through, but I don't show people my pain, I can't

 

I want her legs....

Goals

I have a goal this week, look ok in my halloween costume. This mean me fasting as many days as I can and staying under 200 cals days I don't. Wish me luck and I'll update :)
My new found obsession is the British drama Skins, I love it and I'm watching it from season 1.
Thats all really.

Stay beautiful.

Hello colder weather

Fail of a post today I supose.
I haven't eaten much, YAY
It was a PD day today so I spent it with my boyfriend and then came home because I was supose to spend the weeknd at my dad's who calls and says I'll pick you up tomorrow morning.
I have major amounts of homework but I'm going to do them tomorrow.
I will spend the rest of my day on the computer and bumming around.
I'm going to see if I can find anything I can sell on kijiji.
Love everyone who reads this <3 Stay strong

I miss summer, its gettng really cold here and the cold really gets to me.

home again

So I came home from school after at lunch today, its like I can't handle it anymore but I HAVE to make myself go. I need at least an 85% average to get into the University program I want. So ya today, fail just in general. But my new distraction is neopets, not even kidding. Tomorrow I go to visit my dad for the night meaning he will make me eat after that I go back to my plan. I just don't have anything to talk about..wow I suck. I need to read my english novel of 400 pages in seven days.... GO. Picture = thinspo for the day

Binge

I caved to two slices of pizza some candy and pop. Tomorrow i will be better.
My presentation went well and I make another presentation tomorrow.
I selpt as soon as I got home today because I did not sleep at all last night. I watched a good documentary last night though on youtube about this girl viki would has anorexia.

Nothing else much to say. I going to bed now. My mom is quite pissed at me for sleeping this afternoon after school but thats like her, always hating on me. More about that later.
This picture totally represents how I felt this morning after no sleep.