Happy St.Patrick's Day

Happy St.Patrick's Day Everyone.

I'm 129 pounds right now, the highest I've been in a while - its discusting, I'm discusting and lazy and fat and deserve to die. 

I'm Irish and I don't even feel like celebrating, I'm to fat for celebrations.

I remember when I was at 115 I thought I was too fat and wanted 110 - I'd do anything to be back there again.

Hello.

I haven't been able to bring myself to write and then I just didn't have time. I spent the beginning of my March break visiting the two universities that I am considering and realized that I want to switch to another school my second year anyway X_x.
I wanted to be skinny for St.Patrick's Day - fail.
Since I am Irish tomorrow is a big day for my family therefore - party - green everything and so on so forth.
My latest goal is to loose weight (about 5 pound at least) by Monday - I have a concert and a dance test. Hope I don't fail - but I'm determined.

I haven't used the scale in the past three days - I walked for 8 hours... I ate twice.

I failed at giving up pop and cutting.
My mom almost found out I smoke sometimes.

Give it up

 --I'm giving up pop for Lent, Lent starts tomorrow and lasts about 44 days.
I have to get out of bed tomorrow but I don't know if I'll go to bed at all.
I hate depression but who would I be without it.
Tomorrow: smoke - water. nothing. empty.
Bonus - I can say I'm fasting for Ash Wednesday.
I binged on chocolate today - double fail for depression - im paying for this binge - cutting free = fail.
i need smokes fuck being 17 sometimes. i'll get them.

cuteness helps with saddness

middle day

I am not in school today and its the last week before March Break so I should be in school but I feel to fat and ugly and depressed to have even gotten out of bed this morning.
I slept for 11 hours and I'm still kinda sleepy. with me its either I sleep alot or I can't at all.
I hope everyone is having a good day. Post later <3
Love you all.

-- sleep needed.

I don't feel like updating my fingertips and burnin up page: I ate 500 calories and burnt 610.

I feel tired and sick and I want it to be friday.

            School sucked today, I feel like I want to disappear but of course I'm too fat.

cry + times are changin.

Fail day number two.
I feel like a fat ass and look like one to.
I ate so much!
and for some reason I feel more motivated than ever. This week is veggie and fruit only week.
I don't care and I'm not going to let anything stand in my way!
I want:
fake nails.
teeth whitening strips.
acne stuff.
Its make over time.
watch me shrink, I'm going to do it and I'm not going to stop.
I had pizza for dinner *barf* and my friend texts me this : " I had spagetti and garlic bread, it was balanced and healthy." I'm like 3-2-1- open guilt gates.

Sucky Saturday

Binge Day - no I don't want to talk about it you can see my failure in the fingertips section - I feel sick. I will stay under 400 all next week.
Went to boyfriends today - made me eat.
FML.

Friday alone

So school was good nothing much went on. My friends and I went to MacDonald together and I RESISTED TEMPTATION (from milkshakes and grill cheese -the only things I can eat there). I was great because I ate my grapes and broccoli with a diet coke while my friends chowed down. :)  I'd like to say restricting and exercising have been going well the past few days but I still feel like a fat ass. I added another page to my blog called burnin up to log my exercise so you an me can see if i've burnt off more than I ate ect.
Again if there are any other pages you want to see let me know I'm open to ideas!!
As far as my friday night I've done nothing productive :P I painted my face like David Bowie and took pictures xD
Stay lovely <3